Have you ever had to make a big change in your life? Like the kind that left you shaking with fear? Same.
I think a lot of us think about starting new chapters in our life as giving up or letting go of the past, and that can make it really difficult to pull the trigger; the job, the habit, the relationship, the pass time, whatever it is.
You can be grateful for the experience you had, the fun you had with it, but understand that it’s just not for you anymore. You can now be happy to not be doing those things anymore, but it doesn’t discount or discredit the experience or fun you had in the past.
That part of your life is now over, you can be glad to have had it, but you can also be complete with it.
I want you to look at your life. Instead of looking at these things you are trying to move on from as giving up in the present, as if it will be a missing part of you or your life, reframe it as something you are done doing.
>> I am done with being lazy and never exercising
>> I am done with binge drinking alcohol
>> I am done with watching the news
>> I am done with toxic relationships or friendships
It’s not a loss if you can look at it in a way that is fulfilled. You aren’t taking something away you are just completing something, and this subtle shift can make a huge impact.
You had the experience, now you’ve been there and done that. You’re done.
So let’s get into exactly how to do just that.
1. View the Experience as a Journey
At some point or another we have all experienced moments in our life where thought things weren’t going to be okay. Whether we felt super stuck, we had our heart broken, or we experienced loss… in the moment it felt like our world was ending, right?
If you can call to mind that moment, you might be thinking now, that it feels like that struggle was really just a lesson, right?
The more we can look at these things in our life that we are trying to move through as a fluid experience versus a fixed problem, we can really start to put things into perspective.
Letting go or moving on or away from a person or habit or experience is not the end of our story, it’s just a part of a story that served us in some way, teaching us a lesson or helping us to evolve and adapt.
No other person or habit or job or anything can possess our story, WE own our story, YOU own your own story.
And when you let go, you are still whole, still growing, and still evolving.
2. Let Go Of the Fantasy of What Was
We tend to idolize past experiences. Because our brains find comfort in what is familiar… when something is over or we let go of something that was once a part of our life, we tend to breeze over the bad parts of our experience and only remember the good.
Past relationships, terrible jobs of the past, toxic friendships, bad habits.
We stay stuck holding onto these things because we are fixated on this idea that if we hold onto the good, the bad won’t be so bad… even if it’s not serving us.
And when we stay here, it makes it even harder to move on.
Letting go of this fantasy of what was and learning to lean in and really take a hard look at what the reality of the situation is or was can really make you come to terms with why letting go was so important in the first place.
3. Make a list
So, start by brainstorm a list of things you already know and have already done and am complete with. What are you done with?
“I am done with” does not mean “I can never have or do xyz again”
>> Maybe you’re done dating because you are married now
>> Maybe you’re done studying because you have a career path
And then, make a list of the things you want to experience more of.
>> Maybe now that you’re married, you are ready to experience being married and partnership and how that feels.
It’s like replacing the old thing with something new to fill that void and with this you will start to see that you aren’t losing anything at all.
You will see that you have experienced all of these things and now you are done and ready for something new. You won’t need to feel like you’re missing out because you’ve had the experience.
When you change you get to experience both doing and not doing all in one lifetime, and the best part is… You can always go back if you need.
One of the best parts of life is how DIFFERENT life can be, and yet so many of us stay where we are, in this place of everything always being the same, so we can feel safe even when it doesn’t necessarily feel good.
One of the opportunities in life is letting go to be able to experience so many different things & to be able to move in and out of experiences so fluidly.